Monday, November 24
Whoa, so many things that happened in one week. I barely washed away my BBQ smell from my current class gathering before we went to settle (finally) our remnants of the PW things, then got shipped off to chalet, came back to sleep 20 hours and finally went to a wake.
But it's just like that to see something from everything... Maybe, but in this very week, I realised a lot of things, like back then when my grandfather passed away, I knew he had to go, sooner or later, but I know these things can't be reasoned with sense. It's just a feeling, mixture of guilt, regret and disappointment. Perhaps more, perhaps less. I cannot really pinpoint the exact feeling. You all should know why you would feel this way.
But stop blaming yourself. It's hard to accept it at first, but this is how you must go through it. I used to look at my grandad's photo and immediately cry, but now, it's just acceptance, that he's gone. Remembrance is another thing entirely.
I wonder if how many people felt the same way I did, but never mind that. I like to look at things in an entirely different perspective. Maybe it's a form of escape, but at least it's a healthy one. When the truth hurts too much to look at it straight, I try to search for a more soothing view. It takes time though. I not asking for immediate results, but a wholistic view of the situation, and to truly let go.
Perhaps someone can comprehend what I had felt, and gain what little consolation I have to give.
Posted by Isabelle at 10:16 am